Pass me a Cig … I Mean a Yoga Mat

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Posted 52 Weeks ago on IG

It’s been one year today that I decided to become nicotine free. I quit cigarettes a good million times (unsuccessfully) before then. The difference: I didn’t quit cigarettes. I became nicotine free. Wording my friends, at least to a word junkie like me, is everything!

So much has happened since that courageous night I didn’t stop at the gas station on the way home and instead solemnly stared at my last 2 cigarettes as I crushed them and threw them away. I would need a book, or at least 20 more blog entries, to really tell the tale of the last year. For the sake of this entry however – and keeping a long-winded girl brief – I will focus on what helped me to not ruin everything and actually become one year nicotine free.
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The Depression Thaw Out

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Poster by Paul Price, Leeds College of Art & Design

Depression has so many faces and it lingers for no set amount of time. It may hit you for a few seconds, a few days, for some a few years. They say the human psyche is so fragile that the smallest change can alter it completely. So what happens when everything changes? When your entire base has come undone?

It’s been a year and 4 months since my life changed or since losing my father and then my grandmother only 3 weeks later. Every day after November 30, 2015 has been one long day. In this time, I’ve managed to quit 2 very promising yet overly stressful jobs making almost 70k a year and shooting up my career ladder faster than I could imagine. I quit my 23year love for smoking cigarettes. I gained about 25 pounds (which is a lot considering I was already a good 40lbs over weight to begin with). I got rid of my bachelorette pad and moved into a home with my pho-husband. I went from wild, independent, secure, 401-k having business woman- to an overly domesticated emotional mess.

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It’s a New Day, E’ry Day

 

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Every day is a clean slate. Every morning that you open your eyes you have the freedom, no the RIGHT, to be whoever you want to be, no matter what that means. I’m not saying we should each wake up and change our names, leave our partners and live in a new country ever day— I mean that sounds exhausting and really expensive. No, I’m saying every day is a new chance to change SOMETHING, do SOMETHING, be SOMETHING—Anything you want.

This place or phase or stage or chapter in my life is all about a clean slate. I’m starting over from scratch. Everything in my life is changing, I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize who I am anymore. As scary as that sounds, I’m past the shock and tremor place of starting over. Instead I’m just fascinated to meet me! Keep on reading!